I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
