Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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