woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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