ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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