If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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