Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
