That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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