She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
