It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
