idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
