remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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