angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
