I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
