I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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