I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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