I haven't been this sober since birth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
