Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
