You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
