yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
