walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
