I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
