im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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