Tell her she can't have a vagina
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
