She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
