16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
