What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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