its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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