I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
