Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
