Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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