So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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