I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
