you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize