My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
