you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
