a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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