i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
