am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
