yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hippo gnu deer
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
