I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
