I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
