so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
