she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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