Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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