If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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