An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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