dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
