Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love accidental penises.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
