i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
