yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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