she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My ass is underappreciated
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
