One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
