I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
