If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
