Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just googled if crying burns calories
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Randomize
