i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
