Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
