My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
