don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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