its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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