my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
