He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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