You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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