i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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