I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
