Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
