I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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